Hearbeat On Replay

(Source: parkhyuna, via zoomzam)

(via gumballsandcrayons)

I’m sorry for everything that I have done to you, be it good or bad. Good, because I know those are memories that will be etched in your mind forever and making it difficult for you. Bad, well, because no one’s perfect and I’m only human. I’ve never once meant those hurtful things I said to you. I said it only because I think it’s the only way I could make you take a step back and not chase after me. The only way to break every ties we have, is to push you away. Don’t tell me I haven’t tried doing it the nice way. I think I’ve put in a lot of effort to make you stay away from me and not make a mistake with us. I’m sorry it ended on a bad note, but I’m glad it ended.

I can’t be there to fix you, because what’s the point of pushing you away if all I’m ever gonna be is be there in front of you when you can’t have me. I hope you’ll find someone who is going to fix you well, nurse your broken heart and treat you like a King. 

I hope that, when you’re fine, when you’re truly fine, alive and kicking, we could still be friends. Right now, I’m still your friend, I will never leave you in the dark if you ever need me, but I’m going away. I’m putting 100miles between us, but I’m still your friend. 

I’m sorry.
That’s all I can ever be. 

Maybe all along I was putting these walls around me was to see who really cared. Thing is, maybe you did for awhile. Then you got tired of it, but you didn’t really want to go down without a fight. So you tried knocking down my walls, not as much as before, but you still did it anyway. There were other distractions, and though you could choose not to get distracted, you didn’t. That’s what fucking turns me off. 

Previously, I would still care even if someone don’t. I would still pick up the broken pieces, and glue it together cause I know it’s something worth holding on for. But I am not that person anymore. I couldn’t be bothered to put back together the broken pieces of yesterday, when I am not the one who broke it apart. You are not the person I see myself in the future with. Not you, not him, maybe not anybody. Maybe it’s also because I don’t want to be with anybody. The thought of being with somebody completely and trusting the person not to break your heart, is just too horrifying. 

Yes. I choose not to care anymore.
Just because I don’t show that I care, doesn’t mean I don’t. But this time, I know that I won’t care anymore because honestly? What you do turns me off.